not going to focus on the best, but on the journey

You know I'd fail. I'd fail all the time. & there's a pretty good example right now, which I confessed, has made me really shattered at heart. I mean, who wouldn't? Okay, so for Mid Years, I did really really badly.. I swore when I got my results I tried so hard not to cry and instead, I comforted myself, saying, "hey, God is my strength. my Father knows what He's doing. chill pill, Shirls".
Am I really such a failure? And then I recall. Nah, I was just being lazy, and I really had to buck up since it is my final year in Regent. Really, FINAL.

I know you people, have this perception that we Christians are so holy and so clean and that we can take in any kinds of tasks that God gives. But hey, we are Christ followers, we are not Christ Himself. We are weak in flesh and that is why we NEED Him. We are humans, we make horrible mistakes, we'd also wish for life to be over soon so that we can enjoy the luxuries in Heaven. BUT, face it. we are on earth, and God has a Plan. I know He has a Plan but I sometimes don't get Him. I don't get You, Lord. Why do I feel this hatred and this fired down feel. I am trying so hard to commit myself and yet I feel so..so ew. No matter what, man, I am gonna stick to You to You and YOU.

So, I heard that mother tongue O LEVELS is in 10 days. wow, how short that is!!!! After this posting, I am heading back to my room to mug my ass off for the paper. I really can't disappoint people anymore. I just can't do it. my parents have so much hope on me, and I am still trying to figure out what God is trying to tell me. Sometimes God is so mysterious. and I really want to feel the peace again.

I really want to cry sometimes. I want to scream and shout and just..stone away. But hey I gotta remind myself I have responsibilities I have a God who trusts me. I used to think in church, I gotta be the best I gotta be the best in school at home. I always focus on the DESTINATION instead of the JOURNEY.

I am not going to focus on the best, but on the journey. No more, man, no more. I am free from all this shit. I keep comparing myself and asking stupid questions like WHY IS SHE BETTER? that's not what God wants. He wants me to love myself. I am about to walk on this journey to find this worth in myself. That's right. In Shirley.

Here For You - Matt Redman (Worship Song with lyrics)

27th April 2013 - New Birth

Phillipians 4:13. Yesterday was such a good good Friday all because of this wonderful verse from the Bible. It was my very last emceeing event and I know that I will miss the experience so so much. All in all, it was such a fruitful experience and after the ceremony, all of us got together and we took loads of pictures. I am so blessed :') Not to forget my wonderful and loving mom and Andrey who made effort to come over and to support me! Thankyou so much <3 I am also really blessed to have wonderful people in my life. Really really thankful. well, all in all it was a WONDERFUL experience for all of us! :D

 

I actually bothered to create a new blog today even though I am supposed to be revising (I will do that later.) because I believe that I must announce this happiness that I felt today! and am still feeling! well..to be honest, I was not a very happy person in life. I tend to get myself messed up in temptations and I often tend to ask God this very familiar question that all of us would have once asked. ---> WHY?

 

it took me 6 months to get my feet back up and to face my tempts. I realise that God has brought in all these circumstances so that I could unleash who I really am, and who I was created to be. He threw my soul into trouble and got me messed up and got me crying real bad. Was so bothered and so unsettled in heart. He did all that, for a reason. He did all that, not to cause me grieve nor to "punish" me. BUT, He did that so that I could realise that I could actually rise up onto my feet once more.

 

I am so elated to find the Shirley that I really wanted to grab on so badly. It was during service today. God spoke through many people these days and it really strengthens my soul. During service, I recalled God telling me this, "im pretty short but when i worship my King, im the tallest!" YES He really did! and I was so overwhelmed with joy I got so excited to just praise Him! usually, during services, I would feel insecure and really disturbed. Could really feel my heart being so far from the Lord. But today, God kept it close and it was the beginning of our Relationship. I feel so bless to really have such a close encounter with Jesus and I would just love to dedicate my entire life into His Hands because John 3:16 tells me so. :)

 

My Mid-Years are coming. First paper on a Monday. I am facing all my circumstances DRENCHED in the Holyspirit. Definitely. :D

 

Now, let the pictures of yesterday do the talkin!

 

 

My lovely besties (Our first Starbucks Date!)

 

Probably my last time wearing this as an Emcee. So happy to have this opportunity :)

                                              

 

Our ever so loving Mr Soo!

 

Thankful for such a loving brother, Andrey :)

 

We love you, Ms Tay!! :p

 

What do you get from Drama +Choir? Awesomeness ;) DUH

 

Thankful for this picture because we finally sortta smiled and communicated like friends. Forgive and forget. Erasing the painful past, and savouring today's reward!

 

Heyyy Joreen, Malcolm and Genice (;

 

WC1's ever so loving baby! Love you!

 

Thankful for you in my life :') Such a heartwarming friend!

 

 

All in all, this beautiful and enlightening post is all summarized into this picture (: